This dynamic has a very similar feel to aikido summer camp last week. Whenever I was trying to "do a technique," on a partner, I got resistance and the technique failed. When (occasionally, again) I was able to let go of my desire to get a specific reaction from my partner, and focus on changing myself, paradoxically, I could get the result I wanted.
I have spent a lot of years of my life pushing hard to get some goal or another accomplished. But I am coming to wonder if sometimes my desire for a certain outcome, or my attempts to force that outcome, actually have the opposite effect of what I intend. I think that, perhaps, if I focused more on myself, and the way that I engage a situation -- if I paid more attention to the energy that I bring to the situation, rather than the obstacles that are "out there" -- maybe the results would be better.
Clinging and holding tightly to what I want, seems like a sure way to loose a sense of what God may want in a situation. That doesn't mean that I don't have goals, and that I don't work hard for them. But it may mean that I hold them a little more lightly, and get better at seeing when I am actually the obstacle to getting there.
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